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Chapter3: How you can manage to sit between two chairs not fall dawn?

Part I

There are different systems of social-psychological worlds where the Individual exists, where he can find the basis for his self-esteem and Self-image. The structure of his social-psychological world is beginning to form from the early childhood, metabolizing characteristics of the family and the cultural background. When the person interacts with somebody, subconsciously he is conveying his own social-psychological world, his own values and reactions. If we take away from the person his usual social environment and put him to a new one, where he won't have any external connection with his social-psychological world he would be capable to adjust to some level to the new one, but internally he would keep staying in his own social-psychological world. To be able to transform yourself to a different social-psychological world would not only require one to make a step, take a look, and observe what it is about, but to transform yourself internally. That is an almost unrealistic task. It is extremely complicated and difficult. If one would consider to do this not only theoretically, but practically.

The person who doesn't fit with a new social-psychological world has started to receive from his environment many negative signals. They are saying to him: "You are out of circle, wide of the mark." He feels that the most simple things aren't working for him, how they used to be. He begins to sense his lowliness, inability to be who he is,,, and being on this state of mind, as a result of it, unwillingly he is slowly withdrawing into himself. I would like to elaborate on the definition of a New social-psychological world that is not only a new social environment, it is also a new language, norms of behavior, communication, type of interactions with the social institutes on the different stratums of society. There is not anything else rather than deep personal attachment to his own social-psychological world. This connection isn't artificial either. I cannot say it is bad or good. I would say this is a soil where an individual grew up, deeply rooted to it from the core of his own nature. Do you remember the symbol of big Matreshka, didn't you?

There are some situations where somebody, assuming that he is a teacher, doesn't want or doesn't know how to except the reality of individual social-psychological world, which is different from his own. While fulfilling the role of a teacher, this person willy-nilly, is going to impose his will on that individual. What could have happened when the norms of somebody's social psychological world will force upon the person with the different social-psychological world than his own? You can assume the answer. The result of such dependency would be very delicate, subconscious violence. Let me make some analogy. From the history we know about the consequences of that particular philosophy, where the basic statement is: "Our faith is the best" and if you don't serve faithfully to it, we will bring salvation to you. In this situation it is clear what to expect, and you can make a choice to stay for your own believes or to follow the rules. The tragedy is what will happen when nobody has awareness about the roots of the conflict. Because what we face here is the result of inadequate perception of the sense of intrusion into the individual social-psychological world, lack of understanding how to deal with it on a personal level. That ignorance will lead to a vicious circle of troubles.

Let's take a look at a very common life situation. When two people have fallen in love with each other and decided to build a life together but they are from different social-psychological worlds.

One of the many questions that I used to hear in that situation is: Why cannot we get along with each other, why our love does not work for us? They would search for compatibility as a couple, look for advises on the basis of their type of personalities, and temperaments.

The answer for these questions would be in your ability to acknowledge and understand that you are from different social-psychological worlds. Could you be able to step out from your own social-psychological world and together, with enormous amount of efforts, patients, and work, get ready to build a third world- I would say to be a patriarch for your new social-psychological world. Otherwise you are going to face unending struggle with each other.

Despite the fact that someone is ready to be submissive, it would not help you to stay on the same old pattern. As an example just imagine what could have happened, when you plant a birch tree with her own soil into the pot with a palm tree, which grows in the sand? What could have happened? It is difficult to imagine. They have been grown in different climate zones, microorganisms, everything...

Now I go back to my memory...

It was a great joy to look at the houses. I have never been thrilled and happy from the feeling of discovery a new house for us. We both dreamed to find a house where we could feel being at home.

We both knew about each others idiosyncrasies, I would say personal secrets that we admired and find very adorable. One of these secrets, was we both love space, sunlight and a smell of the ocean. When you do things for the first time in your life you are afraid to make mistakes from one hand, from another it is impossible to stay out of them, for one simple reason-lack of experience.

The desire to find a house of our dream got stronger every day, with every new house that we had seen. We were very sufficient with the knowledge that we had obtained about the builders, stile of construction, floor plan, and type of ceiling and the size of the yard during our search. The further we got involved the more detailed we both started to see a picture of our house. We knew this day will come for us, when the door our dream-house would be open for us.

One day. It was one of the rare days for Florida, a gray day, when we came to the area close to the ocean. It was a new community with a couple open houses in it. The area was surrounded with very beautiful tall pine trees. What the most took our attention, do you have any guess? The smell of the air has saturated with that particular light salty scent of the ocean. The warm breeze toughed our skin, everything around us seems to be warming and welcoming to us. How do you know if something that you were looking for is here, around you, that time is come for you? Being inside of the house, we both felt peace and serenity, light and unending space for our dreams. We wanted to embrace each other, we exclaimed almost simultaneously: this is it we are at home, our home.

One month later, when my husband's parents had visited us, they wanted to take a look at some houses in this area. We decided to keep our secret, we just wanted to show our house and get the impression from them. We could not believe, when the mother sad it feels so good being at this house, this particular one. She looked at my husband and asked him: Wouldn't it be nice if this house were yours?

I will never forget that full of joy and happiness moment, when my husband looked at me with his big smile and replied to his Mom: Yes, it would be very nice, and it is my house! The parents could not believe. They thought that we play some dry joke on them...when the silent was broken to the realization of the event we received warm hugs and congratulations from them.

Part II -->


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